Recognizing Crisis

Recognizing Crisis Patterns & Finding Support

You Deserve Safety, Respect, and Peace

At Eros & Soul, we believe that love should feel expansive, not restrictive. While we're passionate about helping individuals and couples transform their relationships, we recognize that not all relationship patterns can or should be addressed through our work.

Some dynamics require individual healing, professional crisis intervention, and sometimes safety planning rather than relationship transformation efforts.

If you're questioning whether your relationship might need a different kind of support, you're already showing tremendous courage and self-awareness.

Understanding the Difference

Relationship transformation work helps couples move from disconnection to deeper intimacy, from toleration to authentic expression, from drifting apart to growing together.

Crisis intervention is needed when relationship patterns involve control, intimidation, or any form of abuse — dynamics that require immediate professional support and safety planning.

The key distinction: Healthy relationships can have problems. Unhealthy relationships ARE the problem.

Warning Signs That Require Immediate Support

If you recognize these patterns in your relationship, please know that couples work is not appropriate — and may actually increase your risk:

Physical Safety Concerns:

Any form of physical violence or threats of violence
Sexual coercion or assault
Threats involving children, pets, or immigration status
Substance abuse that creates unsafe or unpredictable environments

Emotional and Psychological Control:

Consistent patterns of intimidation, control, or isolation
Emotional or verbal abuse (name-calling, degradation, humiliation)
Monitoring or controlling your communications, movements, or relationships
Financial control or withholding of basic needs

When Your Freedom is Compromised:

You feel unsafe expressing your authentic thoughts or emotions
You're afraid of your partner's reactions to normal life choices
You find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid conflict
You've lost access to friends, family, or activities you used to enjoy

The Truth You Need to Hear

This is not your fault.

Trying harder to "fix" or transform an abusive relationship will not make you safer.

Your safety, wellbeing, and peace of mind are not negotiable — they are your birthright.

Abusive dynamics typically escalate over time. They do not improve through couple's therapy or relationship work. In fact, couple's therapy can sometimes make abusive situations more dangerous.

You are not responsible for changing someone who chooses to control or harm you. You are responsible for protecting yourself and getting the support you deserve.

Immediate Crisis Resources

If You're in Immediate Danger

Call 911 immediately

24/7 Crisis Support Lines

Canada:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-363-9010
- Available 24/7 in multiple languages
- Can connect you with local resources and safety planning
Talk Suicide Canada: 1-833-456-4566
Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868 (for youth up to 29)
Local Resources: Contact 211 for provincial/territorial hotlines

United States:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
- 24/7 confidential support in multiple languages
- Text START to 88788
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

All of these resources are confidential and staffed by trained professionals who understand what you're going through.

Finding Professional Support

What You Need:

Trauma-informed therapists who understand abuse dynamics
Individual therapy (not couple's therapy)
Licensed professionals with domestic violence experience
Safety-focused approaches that prioritize your wellbeing

Where to Look:

Canada:

Psychology Today Canada
Canadian Psychological Association
Your provincial psychological association

United States:

Questions to Ask Potential Therapists:

Do you have experience working with survivors of domestic/emotional abuse?
Are you trained in trauma-informed care?
Do you understand why couple's therapy isn't appropriate when abuse is present?
Can you help with safety planning if needed?
Do you have experience with people in my specific situation?

Safety Planning Resources

Creating a safety plan is one of the most important steps you can take. These resources can help:

National Center on Domestic Violence — Comprehensive safety planning guides
Love is Respect — Resources for teens and young adults
Local domestic violence organizations — Often provide free, confidential safety planning services

Remember: You don't have to have all the answers right now. Safety planning professionals can help you think through your specific situation and options.

You Are Not Alone

Millions of people have been where you are right now. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness — it's a sign of tremendous strength and self-respect.

You deserve:

Relationships built on respect, safety, and genuine care
To feel free to be yourself without fear
To have your boundaries honored
To live without walking on eggshells
To pursue your dreams and maintain your relationships
Peace of mind in your own home

You are worth protecting. Your life matters. Help is available.

When You're Ready for What's Next

If you're currently in a safe situation and working with appropriate professionals, you might eventually be ready to explore what healthy relationships look like. When that time comes — and only when it's safe and appropriate — resources like our relationship work might become relevant.

But right now, if you're recognizing crisis patterns, your first priority is getting the specialized support you need.

Your courage in seeking information is already a powerful step toward the life you deserve.

If you're unsure whether your situation constitutes a crisis, we encourage you to reach out to one of the professional resources listed above. Trained counselors can help you assess your situation and determine the most appropriate next steps.

You don't have to figure this out alone.