Objectification Drives Destruction

Most men objectify themselves.

Not only women, but themselves — and the world around them.

And it's driving widespread destruction, misery, and failure in relationships.

Sound a bit out there?

Stick with me.

I think most people would agree that men, at least traditionally, have objectified the femme. I’ll admit I have — because that’s what I was taught before I learned to question it.

The classic image of a construction worker whistling at a passing woman, or a male corporate leader abusing their position of power to gain sexual favour is cringeworthy, but we know it still happens. And while many men have learned to relate more respectfully, many examples of objectification still abound today, and reflect circumstances, culture, and families that failed to teach men how to relate.

But here's what many people miss: this objectification isn't just something men do to women. It runs through the very veins of our culture, unconsciously informing relationships and ways of moving through the world — in business, politics, health, science, and more — and critically, it starts with how men relate to themselves.

The schism in our perception that humans are a severed, foreign presence on the earth — that we are a blight, that we are born into sin and need to prove our worthiness of divine love — drives behaviour rooted in disconnection. Descartes championed a separation of body and mind (actually, body and spirit), which arguably was informed by thousands of years of prior systemic divorcing of people from divinity, and that idea is still very much running the show today.

When “I” am a creature who lives in my head —

who “has” a body but somehow “isn’t” my body —

who needs to fight and rally against a world that is not “me” —

who is taught that my own inner nature is inherently “bad” —

then I will fight what is around me and inside of me in order to survive.

I will literally fight my own body, because I don’t identify with it as “me”.

And in this way, everything in the world becomes objective matter that needs to be manipulated in order to achieve ends.

How does this show up in real life?

You'll see men (women too) destroy their bodies working 80-hour weeks to "prove" their worth — treating their physical form as machinery to be exploited.

You'll see men numbing themselves with alcohol, pornography, or endless work — anything to avoid feeling the disconnect they've been taught to maintain. I know it, because I’ve done it.

You'll see men who can't be present during sex because they're performing rather than connecting — even their most intimate moments become about manipulation of matter (their partner's body, their own response) to achieve an end.

This is what I mean when I say men objectify themselves. They literally treat their own living, breathing, feeling bodies as disposable tools.

When everything that is matter is unconscious “stuff” to be manipulated, then even our own living, breathing bodies become mere “stuff” to be manipulated. Other people become “stuff” to be manipulated. Resources, money, even human lives can become mere “stuff” to move, to extract, to use to achieve an end.

And here's where it gets really interesting: this same disconnection drives environmental destruction.

When you see yourself as separate from your body, you inevitably see yourself as separate from “other” — including the earth. Both become 'resources' to exploit rather than living systems to revere and partner with.

Environmental philosophers have identified the same dualistic thinking patterns that separate mind from body as responsible for humanity's destructive relationship with nature. It's all connected — the abuse of feminine energy, whether in women, in nature, or in our own bodies.

A man who objectifies women likely was taught from a very early age that he needs to fight his own nature, the world around him, and people in his life in order to get his needs met. And odds are good he treats his own body as disposable.

Women and men:

Does this strike a chord? Are you recognizing patterns in yourself or the men in your life? Do you have thoughts and insights you’d like to share?

If you’re a man reading this, and if this resonates as true, please hear me — you are NOT disposable, and you can learn a different way of relating with yourself, with others, and the world.

First, get honest about your relationship with your own body. Are you treating it as a machine to be optimized, ignored, or dominated?

Second, notice when you slip into 'goal-oriented' relating — with women, with your work, even with yourself. I get it, the business world as it is today is goal-oriented, so there may not be much you can change there. But ask yourself: what would it feel like to connect without trying to get something?

Third, ask yourself: What would change if you truly saw the world as alive rather than as dead matter to be manipulated?

This way of thinking can make you not only a better partner, but an integrated, powerful, and connected human being.

If you want to learn a different way — start up a conversation with me. Let's chat.

— Chris