Toxic masculinity isn't toxic.

It's healthy masculinity with nowhere to turn.

No way to express itself.

Nobody to confide in.

It's healthy masculinity that was never taught it was welcome in the world, just as it is.

It's healthy masculinity that got pushed into a cage — at a very young age — and was told to shut up, shut down, and be a man.

With no guidance. No healthy role models.

It's healthy masculinity that was taught only a very, very few "acceptable" ways to express — through power games, self-suppression, emotional neglect, and occasionally —

A moment of vulnerability with the right dose of alcohol.

Quickly to be forgotten, for the sake of everybody involved.

"Toxic" masculinity — "toxic" men — never stood a chance against systems of disconnect, power, and abuse.

Just like women. Different, but equal.

We're all caught in a wave of anti-humanism. It masquerades as social connection through screens, through various numbing strategies, through the divide that runs through families and communities. It thrives when we suffer. It sells us back tiny, distorted pieces of our humanity at outragous prices on our quality of life, longevity, sovereignty, mental health, families, communities, ecosystems — and our souls. And it looks really good when we've all been suppressing our inner nature. That little sliver of distorted reality is shiny, alluring, and speaks to the lost opportunities we know in our hearts should be ours.

And it's loud, and it's chaotic. It's hard to discern truth in all the noise. And a million people will shout at you their version of truth and try to convince you it's your truth, because they are just as lost as everybody around them.

And dammit, at least if I'm right, I have some solid ground to stand on.

Right?

Dropping the mask is vulnerable. It can feel impossible. It requires tremendous courage, and equally tremendous forgiveness to say "I fucked up."

"I was wrong."

"What you did was hurtful."

"Stop hurting me. Stop hurting us." Or to the loudest voices causing the most harm: "YOU MUST STOP."

And then to follow it with "Let's find a way forward together."

It takes an order of magnitude more of fortitude to actually do it. But do it we must.

For our children, and their children. For one another. For ourselves.

For the world we deserve to live in.

There is no other time. We must do it now. And tomorrow. And every day beyond that.

In a world paralyzed by division, it is the only way for us to continue. It is a choice each of us must make, each and every day. And unfortunately, there is probably no magic moment where everybody wakes up at the same time and forgives. We must make this choice each and every day, to bring the world we know is possible in our hearts.

It's not just a pipe dream.

It's just one small act of kindness away.